I just did a Google search for “automatically post WordPress to Twitter” and found a slew of confusing results and random plugin recommendations.
Turns out it’s probably easier than I thought; my WordPress.com dashboard guided me to the “publicize” feature and I just connected Twitter.
Let’s see if this post shows up. You’re welcome for clogging up your feed and your time with this totally pointless thing. Here’s a puppy to make up for it.